"Themes in Proverbs: Friends and Friendship"

Themes in Proverbs: Friends and Friendship

Importance of Friendships

• Friendship and good relationships with others were very important to the sages.
• A good friend is as valuable in tough times as a close relative such as a brother (17:17). 
• 27:9–10 suggests that friends are sometimes more valuable than relatives during hard times, especially if a friend is closer at hand (Tremper Longman III, Proverbs, 555–556). 

Choose Friends Carefully

• A friend’s character affects your own:

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. (Prov. 27:17, NIV)

Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. (Prov. 13:20, NIV)

• Good friends help you improve:

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice. (Prov. 27:9, NIV)

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. (Prov. 27:5–6, NIV)

• Harmful friends drag you down:

• Pleasure-seekers

Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags. (Prov. 23:20–21, NIV)

A discerning son heeds instruction, but a companion of gluttons disgraces his father. (Prov. 28:7, NIV)

• Angry and Rebellious People

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared. (Prov. 22:24–25, NIV)

Fear the LORD and the king, my son, and do not join with rebellious officials, for those two will send sudden destruction on them, and who knows what calamities they can bring? (Prov. 24:21–22, NIV)

• Thieves and Fools

The accomplices of thieves are their own enemies; they are put under oath and dare not testify. (Prov. 29:24, NIV)

Stay away from a fool, for you will not find knowledge on their lips. (Prov. 14:7, NIV)

• Immoral and Sinful People

A man who loves wisdom brings joy to his father, but a companion of prostitutes squanders his wealth. (Prov. 29:3, NIV)

Do not envy the wicked, do not desire their company; for their hearts plot violence, and their lips talk about making trouble. (Prov. 24:1–2, NIV)

My son, if sinful men entice you, do not give in to them. …my son, do not go along with them, do not set foot on their paths; (Prov. 1:10, 15, NIV)

Be True to Your Friends

• Support them in their need:

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity. (Prov. 17:17, NIV)

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Prov. 18:24, NIV)

Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family, and do not go to your relative's house when disaster strikes you-- better a neighbor nearby than a relative far away. (Prov. 27:10)

• Keep their confidence:

Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. (Prov. 17:9, NIV)

A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends. (Prov. 16:28, NIV)

• Show them respect and courtesy:

If anyone loudly blesses their neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse. (Prov. 27:14, NIV)

Like a maniac shooting flaming arrows of death is one who deceives their neighbor and says, "I was only joking!" (Prov. 26:18–19, NIV)

Beware of Insincere Friends

Many curry favor with a ruler, and everyone is the friend of one who gives gifts. The poor are shunned by all their relatives-- how much more do their friends avoid them! Though the poor pursue them with pleading, they are nowhere to be found. (Prov. 19:6–7, NIV)

Wealth attracts many friends, but even the closest friend of the poor person deserts them. (Prov. 19:4, NIV)

The poor are shunned even by their neighbors, but the rich have many friends. (Prov. 14:20, NIV)

Don’t Guarantee a Friend’s Debts

One who has no sense shakes hands in pledge and puts up security for a neighbor. (Prov. 17:18, NIV)

My son, if you have put up security for your neighbor, if you have shaken hands in pledge for a stranger, you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth. So do this, my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor's hands: Go-- to the point of exhaustion-- and give your neighbor no rest! Allow no sleep to your eyes, no slumber to your eyelids. Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler. (Prov. 6:1–5)

[Outline adapted from Donald Orthner, Wellsprings of Life: Understanding Proverbs, 130–133]