"A Praying Life" (chapters 30-31)

A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting WorldBy Paul E. Miller
“Prayer Work” - Chapter 30
How often do we pray for difficult people?
We do our best to “live at peace with all men” and be kind to them, but have we ever prayed that God would change them?
Do we believe that God is in the business of changing lives?
We could write up a prayer card with the name of a person that is particularly hard on us and pray the Scriptures over that person. Then we wait and see what God does!
If we pray for God to “soften” someone or give someone patience or to humble them, God may answer our prayer by bringing difficulty and suffering into that person’s life.
If Satan’s basic game plan is pride, seeking to draw us into his life of arrogance, then God’s basic game plan is humility, drawing us into the life of his Son.
The Father can’t think of anything better to give us than his Son.
Suffering invites us to join his Son’s life, death, and resurrection. Once you see that, suffering is no longer strange.
Working Your Prayers
If God does answer our prayers for that person by humbling them through suffering, are we ready to roll up our sleeves to serve them?
God will often provide opportunities for us to “work” our prayer request.
God may involve us personally in our own prayers, often in a physical and humbling way – teaching us to be a servant.
God told his disciples to pray that the Lord of the harvest would send out laborers, then he sent out the ones he just told to pray! (Matt. 9:37ff.)
In Jesus’ parable of the growing seed, there is a three-step pattern: Planting
Waiting
Working the harvest
It doesn’t occur to us that our prayers may follow the same pattern.
First, it doesn’t occur to us to plant the seed of thoughtful praying because we may think that difficult people don’t change.
Second, if we do pray, we don’t watch and wait. We want the answer now.
Third, we don’t recognize the harvest when it comes, and we forget that reaping the harvest involves our participation.
Too often we end up reversing the pattern and attack the problem first.
We confront the person over their behavior, then the relationship disintegrates, then we pray after nothing else has worked.
By then we’ve often concluded that the person can’t change, and prayer doesn’t work.
But what really doesn’t work is us.
Our “prayer doesn’t work” often means “you didn’t do my will, in my way, in my time.”
Only by praying and watching do we realize the unlikely connections God makes in the kingdom.
God may answer our prayers for another person by involving us in their lives as a humble servant in the midst of their suffering.
Suffering opens the door to love. Suffering reaps a harvest of real change.
“Listening to God” - Chapter 31
How do we discern the leading of God or the guidance of the Holy Spirit in our lives?
When we commune with God in prayer are we sensing God’s direction or just our own thoughts?
Two Dangers
“Word Only” – Not listening to the Spirit.If we focus exclusively on God’s written Word when looking for God’s activity in our lives but don’t watch and pray, we’ll miss the unfolding story of his work.
We’ll miss the patterns of the Divine Artist etching the character of his Son on our hearts.
The Spirit personalizes the Word.
If we believe Scripture only applies to people in general, then we can miss how God intimately personalizes his counsel to us as individuals.
We can become deists, removing God from our lives.
But everywhere in Scripture we see God speaking to us with a personal touch, prompting us to obey and love.
Seeing the finger of God in our circumstances, creation, other Christians, and the Word keeps us from elevating our thoughts to a unique status. God is continually speaking to each of us, but not just through our intuition.
Seeing God’s activity in the details of our lives enhances the application of God’s Word. We actually undermine the impact of God’s Word if we define God’s speaking too narrowly.
What is at stake here is developing an eye for the Shepherd.
We need to tune in to our Father’s voice above the noise of our own hearts and the surrounding world—what C. S. Lewis called “the Kingdom of Noise.”
“Watch and Pray.”
Don’t pray in a fog. Pray with your eyes open. Look for the patterns God is weaving in your life.
“Spirit Only” – Elevating Human IntuitionThere is a danger in thinking we hear God speak.
When people call their own thoughts or feelings “God’s voice,” it puts them in control of God and ultimately undermines God’s Word by elevating human intuition to the status of divine revelation.
Unless Scripture guards and directs our intuitions, we can easily run amok and baptize our selfish desires with religious language.
The danger is in elevating our own thoughts (what we can mistakenly think is the leading of the Spirit) to the level of biblical authority.
The problem is that the Holy Spirit comes in on the same channel as the world, the flesh, the Devil.
The Lord does lead—we just need to be careful that we aren’t using the Lord as a cover for our own desires. If we frequently interpret random thoughts and desires as “God speaking,” we can end up with some very unbiblical and immoral plans – not God’s will at all.
An overly mystical view of God speaking to us can end up with us just listening to the darkness of our own hearts.
To correctly discern when God is speaking to us, we need to keep the Word and the Spirit together.
The Spirit personalizes and applies the written Word of God to our lives.
Without the written word, “being led by the Spirit of God” can turn into us doing what we want to do. What they “hear” from God might be masking their self-will.
Without the Spirit, the written Word can become dry and impersonal, with no personal application leading to a life of listening and repentance.
Listening to and obeying God are so intertwined in biblical thought that in the Hebrew they are one word, shamar.
Under the cover of being obedient to the Word, Word Only folks can be rigid.
We need to guard against rationalism as much as we need to guard against emotionalism.
The Word provides the structure, the vocabulary. The Spirit personalizes it to our life.
Keeping the Word and the Spirit together guards us from the danger of God-talk becoming a cover for our own desires and the danger of lives isolated from God.
Cultivate a Listening Heart
There is nothing secret about communion with God. If we live a holy life before God, broken of our pride and self-will, crying out for grace, then we will be in communion with God. It is really that simple.
You can’t listen to God if you are isolated from a life of surrender that draws you into his story for your life.
There is a tendency among Christians to get excited about “listening to God” as if they are discovering a hidden way of communicating with God that will revolutionize their prayer lives.
This subtly elevates an experience with God instead of God himself. Without realizing it, we can look at the windshield instead of through it.
The problem isn’t the activity of listening, but my listening heart. Am I attentive to God? Is my heart soft and teachable?
The means of communication is secondary to a surrendered heart. Our responsibility is to cultivate a listening heart in the midst of the noise from our own hearts and from the world, not to mention the Devil.
The interaction between the Divine Spirit and my own spirit is mysterious. David captures this mystery in Psalm 16:7—“I bless the LORD who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me.”
Is David’s heart talking to him, or is God giving him counsel? The two are impossible to separate.
Tuning in to your Father’s voice has a hard-to-pin-down-but-nevertheless-real quality.
We don’t have the capacity to analyze this interaction.
The counsel God gave David is inseparable from David’s active pursuit of God: “I have set the LORD always before me” (16:8).
The counsel from God doesn’t function like a fortune teller; it is inseparable from a humble seeking after God.

"A Praying Life" (chapters 28-29)

A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting WorldBy Paul E. Miller
Praying in Real Life: Part 5
“Using Prayer Tools” - Chapter 28
Why do most people write down their schedules, but most Christians do not write down prayer requests?
The bottom line is we don’t write down our prayer requests because we don’t take prayer seriously. We don’t think it works.
Paul prayed for many churches and individuals by name; he likely had an extensive prayer list.
Using a written system to pray for people helps us to connect to their lives and be genuinely interested.
Disabled by the Fall
We are not normal children learning how to pray; we are disabled by the Fall.
We have a disorder that hinders our ability to talk with God.
Written aides help us talk with God.
Some feel that using a written system makes prayer “less natural,” but this is based on a false romantic idea that if it doesn’t feel “natural” then it isn’t real.
We think spiritual things—if done right—should just flow. But if you have a disability, nothing flows in the beginning.
Prayer will not feel “natural” at first, but we must persist, especially during the learning stages.
Prayer journals and prayer cards are a couple of systems that can guide our prayer lives.
Be Careful of Systems
Systems can be useful, but if we are not careful they can also become rote and robotic, desensitizing us to God as a person.
We can easily become mindless or wooden as we pray.
The other side of the coin is to be suspicious of all systems, thinking that it quenches the Spirit.
But we all use systems with things that are important to us.
So, well designed systems have a place in our prayer lives, as long as we don’t allow them to make our prayer lives wooden or robotic. They need to be able to flex along with real life.
“Life is both holding hands and scrubbing floors. It is both being and doing. Prayer journals or prayer cards are on the ‘scrubbing floors’ side of life. Praying like a child is on the ‘holding hands’ side of life. We need both.”
“Keeping Track of the Story: Using Prayer Cards” - Chapter 29
Guidelines for Prayer Cards
The card functions like a prayer snapshot of a person’s life.
Linger over a prayer card for only a few seconds while praying.
Put the Word to work by writing a Scripture verse on the card that expresses the request for that particular person or situation.
The card doesn’t change much over time. Every once in a while, add another line.
It’s not necessary to write down answers to prayer. They will be obvious and remembered since the cards are seen almost every day.
Putting a date to the prayer card is optional.
Prayer Cards vs. List
A prayer card focuses on one person or area of your life.
It allows you to look at the person or situation from multiple perspectives.
Over time, it helps you to reflect on what God does in response to your prayers.
You begin to see patterns, and slowly a story unfolds that you find yourself drawn into.
A list tends to be more mechanical.
We can get overwhelmed with the number of things to pray for.
Because items on a list are so disconnected, it is hard to maintain the discipline to pray.
Having only one card in front of you at a time keeps you focused, and you can concentrate on that person or need.
Prayer Cards for Family
Have a separate card for each member of the family.
Have specific requests for various areas of his/her life – physical, spiritual, academic, career, etc.
Write Scripture for one ore more of the prayer areas to pray God’s Word for them.
Have “big” and “small” prayers.
See how God writes the story and answers your prayers over time.
People in Suffering
It is easy to get overwhelmed in praying for the needs of those in suffering, especially when the diagnosis isn’t clear or there is no end in sight.
Don’t just tell people that you are “praying for them” but add them to a card dedicated to people going through suffering.
You will be better connected with them and can follow up.
Non-Christians
Have at least one card for non-Christians that you are praying for.
Pray for specific areas of their life, or areas where they are struggling with the claims of the gospel.
Watch how God may draw them to himself over time, using a variety of different circumstances in their lives.
Friends
We won’t regularly pray for friends if we do not write them down and make it a part of our life of prayer.
Building a Deck of Cards
Some cards can be prayed through daily; others can be rotated one or two cards a day.
It doesn’t have to become overwhelming.
Use prayer time to write them out over a period of time. Slowly build your prayer cards.
Begin with a partial card and add items over time.
The hardest part of writing out prayer cards isn’t the time; it’s our unbelief.
We seldom feel unbelief directly—it lurks behind the feelings that will surface if we start to write prayer cards.
We might be skeptical at first or feel like it is unnatural.
In reality they will help us to be regular and personal in prayer.
Get Dirty
Prayer is asking God to incarnate, “to get dirty” in your life.
Take Jesus at his word; ask him; tell him what you want; get dirty – in the nitty gritty of life.
Don’t fall into the trap of busyness.
“If you try to seize the day, the day will eventually break you. Seize the corner of his garment and don’t let go until he blesses you. He will reshape the day.”

"A Praying Life" (chapters 26-27)

A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting WorldBy Paul E. Miller
“Hope: The End of the Story” - Chapter 26
Hope is a new idea in history, a uniquely Christian vision.
The gospel is Good News. Because God broke the power of evil at the cross, we can, along with Sarah, look at our cynicism and laugh.
Tragedy doesn’t have the last word. God saves the best for last.
The infinite God touches us personally. We can dream big because God is big.
Dreaming Big
I have prayed for humility, and it dawned on me that God was answering my prayer.
I would have preferred humility to come over me like magic. Instead, God teaches humility in humble places.
What I thought was a stone was really a loaf of bread.
Our prayers didn’t float above life. Our family was focused on both the reality line and the hope line.
Praying was inseparable from working, planning, and good old-fashioned begging.
Willing to Be Enchanted
As we wait and pray, God weaves his story and creates a wonder.
Instead of drifting between comedy (denial) and tragedy (reality), we have a relationship with the living God, who is intimately involved with the details of our worlds.
We are learning to watch for the story to unfold, to wait for the wonder.
If you wait, your heavenly Father will pick you up, carry you out into the night, and make your life sparkle. He wants to dazzle you with the wonder of his love.
To see the marvel of the stories that our Father is telling, we need to become like little children.
C. S. Lewis was characterized by a willingness to be enchanted—his delight in laughter, his willingness to accept a world made by a good and loving God, and his willingness to submit to the charms of a wonderful story.
God delights in turning our tragedies into comedies.
“Living in Gospel Stories” - Chapter 27
What we think are mistakes and frustrating situations are opportunities for the kingdom of God to show up in our lives. It is always that way with the kingdom. It is so strange, so low; it is seldom recognized.
It looks like a mistake, but later we realize that we were in the middle of God’s story.
The downward journey is a gospel story. Humility comes before exaltation.
Gospel Stories
My trip with Kim was a gospel story. I gave up a piece of my life for Jill. In the gospel, Jesus took my sin, and I got his righteousness. That is how gospel stories work. Jill gets a restful weekend, and I get a stressful one. Whenever you love, you reenact Jesus’ death.
Gospel stories always have suffering in them. American Christianity has an allergic reaction to this part of the gospel. We’d love to hear about God’s love for us, but suffering doesn’t mesh with our right to “the pursuit of happiness.” So we pray to escape a gospel story, when that is the best gift the Father can give us. When I was sitting on the plane thinking, Everything has gone wrong, that was the point when everything was going right. That’s how love works.
The Father wants to draw us into the story of his Son. He doesn’t have a better story to tell, so he keeps retelling it in our lives. As we reenact the gospel, we are drawn into a strange kind of fellowship. The taste of Christ is so good that the apostle Paul told the Philippians that he wanted to know “the fellowship of sharing in [Jesus’] sufferings” (Philippians 3:10, NIV).
Living in a gospel story exposes our idols, our false sources of love.
When our idols are exposed, we often give up in despair― overwhelmed by both the other person’s sin and our own.
But by simply staying in the story, continuing to show up for life, even if it seems pointless, the kingdom comes. Poverty of spirit is no longer a belief. We own it. It describes us.
Repentance, in a strange way, is refreshing.
When we remove our false selves, repentance creates integrity. We return to the real source of love―our heavenly Father. We become authentic.
Enjoying God’s Story
If we stop fighting and embrace the gospel story God is weaving in our lives, we discover joy.
If we pursue joy directly, it slips from our grasp. But if we begin with Jesus and learn to love, we end up with joy.
Meaning to Suffering
Gospel stories give meaning to suffering.
Looking at suffering and tragedy through the lens of the gospel helps us to see the redemptive value of suffering.
God brings grace and freedom through suffering.
This view of life requires a firm confidence in the sovereignty of God. God is the weaver of stories.
Unseen Connections
We should be on the lookout for unseen connections.
To see a gospel story, we need to reflect on how seemingly disparate pieces are connected.
The best place to pick up the unseen connections of our designer God is in disappointment and tension.
Unseen means that there are no visible, causal links. As we bring God’s mind to our stories, we can see his hand crafting connections behind the scenes.
Nothing in the modern mind encourages us to see the invisible links binding together all of life. We have no sense that we live in the presence of a loving Father and are accountable for all we do.
We need to remember by faith that this is My Father’s World.
Everything you do is connected to who you are as a person and, in turn, creates the person you are becoming.
Everything you do affects those you love.
All of life is covenant.
Imbedded in the idea of prayer is a richly textured view of the world where all of life is organized around invisible bonds or covenants that knit us together.
Instead of a fixed world, we live in our Father’s world, a world built for divine relationships between people where, because of the Good News, tragedies become comedies and hope is born.
 

"A Praying Life" (chapters 24-25)

A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting WorldBy Paul E. Miller
“How God Places Himself in the Story” - Chapter 24
When we are in the middle of the desert, we feel like God is absent.
We long for God to show himself clearly, to make sense of the mess.
The Canaanite Woman
Jesus’ interaction with a Canaanite woman and her needy daughter are instructive for us in our understanding of how God is present in the midst of our story.
Jesus is aloof, ambiguous, even demeaning to this Canaanite woman. Why?
Jesus draws out the full measure of her sincerity, humility, and faith.
If Jesus were a magic prayer machine, he’d have healed this woman’s daughter instantly, and we would not have discovered her feisty, creative spirit.
Likewise, Jesus’ ambiguity with us creates the space not only for him to emerge but us as well. If the miracle comes too quickly, there is no room for discovery, for relationship.
The waiting that is the essence of faith provides the context for relationship.
Another Woman & Her Needy Daughter
God left Jill in confusion in order to grow her faith, her ability to connect with him. To become like a child, Jill had to become weak again.
Jesus’ ambiguous interaction with both Jill and the Canaanite woman is a mini-course on prayer. God permitted a difficult situation in both of their lives, and then he lingered at the edge.
If he were at the center, if they had had regular visions of him, they would not have developed the faith to have a real relationship with him.
When God seems silent and our prayers go unanswered, the overwhelming temptation is to leave the story—to walk out of the desert and attempt to create a normal life.
But when we persist in a spiritual vacuum, when we hang in there during ambiguity, we get to know God.
Mary Magdalene in a Mini-Desert
Jesus stands at the edge of the story, unwilling to overwhelm her so that a richer, fuller Mary could emerge.
He allows her pain to continue for just a moment so Jesus the person could meet Mary the person.
Many of us wish God were more visible. We think that if we could see him better or know what is going on, then faith would come more easily.
But if Jesus dominated the space and overwhelmed our vision, we would not be able to relate to him.
Everyone who had a clear-eyed vision of God in the Bible fell down as if he were dead. It’s hard to relate to pure light.
When we suffer, we long for God to speak clearly, to tell us the end of the story and, most of all, to show himself.
But if he showed himself fully and immediately, if he answered all the questions, we’d never grow.
Jill was profoundly changed in her twenty-year wait. If God had instantly explained everything to her and healed Kim, that change would not have taken place.
No one works like him.
“Praying without a Story” - Chapter 25
What happens when you don’t have a sense of your life as a story being told by your Heavenly Father?
We don’t like the messiness of unanswered prayer—or answers that are different from what we requested.
A distraught heart makes us uneasy, but it reveals the mystery of prayer.
Reflecting on the Story
Prayer doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Prayer interacts with all the other pieces of our life. The praying life is inseparable from obeying, loving, waiting, and suffering.
If we don’t get passionate with God in the face of disappointment, like the Canaanite woman, then cynicism slips in, and our hearts begin to harden. We begin a living death.
No Story
Story
Bitter
Waiting
Angry
Watching
Aimless
Wondering
Cynical
Praying
Controlling
Submitting
Hopeless
Hoping
Thankless
Thankful
Blaming
Repenting
Another Story of God’s Weaving
God responds to our prayers in the context of the story he is weaving with our lives.
If we do not recognize the presence of the story or realize that God is writing one, then our prayers will just be isolated, individual requests. We won’t see how everything is being woven together for the purpose of our growth in faith and holiness.
There is a significant difference between making an isolated prayer request and praying in context of the story that God is weaving.
The answer to prayer is inseparable from repenting, serving, managing, and waiting.
Most of our prayers are answered in the context of the larger story that God is weaving.
Living in our Father’s Story
Living in our Father’s story means living in tension.
To live in our Father’s story, remember these three things: Don’t demand that the story go your way (surrender completely).
Look for the Storyteller. Look for his hand, and then pray in light of what you are seeing.
Stay in the story. Don’t shut down when it goes the wrong way.
This last one, staying in the story, can be particularly difficult. When the story isn’t going your way, ask yourself, What is God doing? Be on the lookout for strange gifts.
Sometimes when we say “God is silent,” what’s really going on is that he hasn’t told the story the way we wanted it told.
He will be silent when we want him to fill in the blanks of the story we are creating. But with his own stories, the ones we live in, he is seldom silent.
To see the Storyteller we need to slow down our interior life and watch.
We need to be imbedded in the Word to experience the Storyteller’s mind and pick up the cadence of his voice.
We need to be alert for the story, for the Storyteller’s voice speaking into the details of our lives. The story God weaves always involves bowing before his majesty with the pieces of our lives.
Watching for the Divine Artist
We can see the Divine artistry of God in the story he wrote for Joseph’s life.Joseph’s life was marked by suffering and disappointment, but God was writing a story.
Joseph has not given in to bitterness and cynicism; instead he discovers the gracious heart of his God, grace he extends to those who have harmed him. Forgiveness flowed.
When confronted with suffering that won’t go away, we instinctively focus on what is missing, such as betrayal in Joseph’s story, not on the Master’s hand.
Often when you think everything has gone wrong, it’s just that you’re in the middle of a story.
If you watch the stories God is weaving in your life, you, like Joseph, will begin to see the patterns. You’ll become a poet, sensitive to your Father’s voice.

"A Praying Life" (chapters 22-23)

A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting WorldBy Paul E. Miller
“Hebrew Laments”: Relearning Desert Praying - Chapter 22
Understanding Laments
An ancient, long-forgotten way of praying.
A very biblical way of praying.
Laments are prayers for the desert: the times when we are living in the gap between reality and hope.
A lament connects God’s promises with our problem and gives voice to the seeming discrepancy between what God has said and what is actually happening in our lives.
The emptiness of the desert drives the power of a lament.
A lament doesn’t flee the desert (in denial); it fights the desert through prayer and faith.
The bleakness of the desert emboldens lament.
Laments might seem disrespectful in the way we voice our complaint to God, but in fact they are filled with faith—a raw, pure form of faith that simply takes God at his word.
There is no such thing as a lament free life.
If you are not lamenting, then you are not loving well. You haven’t allowed your heart to be broken by anything.
If you don’t lament over the broken things in your world, then your heart shuts down into cynicism.
Cynicism leads you away from God; lament pushes you into God’s presence.
Not lamenting leads to unbelief. You succumb to reality and lose hope.
One of the sure signs that we have wandered from God is if we stop lamenting.
We think laments are disrespectful; God says the opposite. Lamenting shows you are engaged with God in a vibrant, living faith.We live in a deeply broken world. If you aren’t lamenting to God, then you are slowly becoming cynical.
Nuclear Praying
We are confused by lament sometimes because we associate it only with grieving.
So we think of lament prayers in the same category as funeral dirges—a form of grieving with no expectation that anything will change.
By far, most laments are not prayers of surrender, grieving what cannot be changed, but a call to arms.
Lament prayers are the spiritual warfare equivalent of “going nuclear.”
You have no other option, so you reach for your most powerful weapon—your ability to cry out to the living God for help.
Lament draws us deeper into a praying life, because we pour out our hearts fully and authentically to God.
God often answers our laments in ways we don’t expect.
“Understanding How Laments Work” - Chapter 23
Why do laments feel so strange?
Laments were not strange to the ancient Israelites. The scriptures are filled with them. In fact, they even sang them.
The influence of Greek stoicism has subtly crept into our thinking. Stoicism resigned itself to the chaos of the world and didn’t have any hope for it getting better.
The Jewish and biblical worldview sees the world as broken but with the hope of transformation by God.
The Israelites lamented because they longed for a better world, the way the world was supposed to be.
They believed in a covenant keeping God, one who keeps his word.
That’s what makes laments so direct and “in your face.”
A lament connects God’s past promise with my present chaos, hoping for a better future.
A Template for Laments
Isaiah 63-64 as a pattern:Many laments begin with an emotional dump.
Laments believe in a big, sovereign God. Isaiah believed so strongly in God’s sovereignty, he blames God.
After the initial passionate overflow, Isaiah connects the reality of Israel’s desolate state with the hope of God’s power. He believes in a God who is near, acting in time & space.
Isaiah remembers God’s previous acts of power: you’ve done this before, do it again!
Laments are full of faith affirming the greatness of God: “no eye has seen a God besides you…”
Laments drive us to patiently endure and wait on God.
Laments point us to repentance. God is not the problem, we are.
Isaiah submits, pleading with God to act on their behalf.
Isaiah begins the lament naked before God, pouring out his heart.
Then he reinterprets those feelings in the reality of God.
In a kind of spiritual pilgrimage, he begins feisty, in God’s face, then he slowly reveals his faith and his heart.
Isaiah’s faith drives the lament.God is sovereign and can do something.
God is love and wants to do something.
God is a covenant-keeping God and is bound by his own word.
Isaiah doesn’t stop asking because he doesn’t stop believing.
Like Jacob, he wrestles with God. He doesn’t accept the status quo.
Thinking a Lament
Laments are passionate, but they are also well-reasoned arguments.
Isaiah begins by making a case that God is all-powerful.
He argues with God based on his past dealings with Israel.
Isaiah then moves to confession, knowing that God is bound to act when his people repent and confess.
He argues based on the honor of God’s name connected to Jerusalem.
Are Laments Disrespectful?
That’s the wrong question. The question is, “What is on your heart?”
What is driving the lament?
What is so striking about biblical laments, is that God almost never critiques them. He delights in hearing our messy hearts.
At the end of the book of Job, God honors feisty Job with his demanding laments and rebukes the three friends who have been critiquing Job.
Cautions with Counterfeit Laments
Be careful that laments don’t slip into complaining.
What’s the difference?A lament is directed toward God; complaints are often directed toward others.
A lament is faith; a complaint is rebellion.
A lament submits.
A lament always circles back to faith.
What does it feel like to pray a lament?
Often it is our anxieties that fuel lament.
We take our cares to a God who hears and acts.
Take hold of God and pull.
Pray the psalms back to God.
As we finish lamenting, we are quiet. There is nothing more to say or do—so we wait.

"A Praying Life" (chapter 21)

A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting WorldBy Paul E. Miller
“Unanswered Prayer: Understanding the Patterns of the Story” - Chapter 21
Disappointment
Having specific prayers that are not answered in the way that we desire or expect is a challenge to our faith.
Prayer makes us more dependent and more vulnerable to disappointment.
The problem, however, is not with God but with our own expectations and the gap between those expectations and the story that God is weaving.
In the Desert
Living in the gap between expectation and reality can be like living in a spiritual desert.
Every part of our being wants to close the gap between hope and reality.
Trying to close the gap and escape the desert leads to either denial, determination, or despair.
Denial
Denial is the approach we take when we are filled with hope but we are in self-denial about the reality of the situation.
So, we close the gap between hope and reality by envisioning unreality.
We fail to come to grips with the true nature of the situation. We think it is not happening or it must be some mistake. But living in unreality doesn’t lead to spiritual maturity.
Determination
Some try to close the gap between hope and reality with sheer determination of will.You have faced enormous obstacles before and overcome them, and you are going to do the same with this.
You invest energy, money, time, resources into fixing the problem.
You seek to become the answer to your own prayer request.
But this often adds to the suffering.
Despair
Despair is the result of losing hope.
People close the gap between hope and reality by downgrading their hope to match the reality of the situation.
Stopping hoping is a way to minimize the hurt.
Despair removes the tension between hope and reality, but it leads to cynicism, which kills the soul.
Back to the Desert
Denial, determination, despair—these are not the way to live as people of faith.People of faith live in the desert—in the gap between hope and the present reality.
Abraham “in hope believed against hope” (Rom. 4:18).
Abraham did not ignore reality, but he trusted and hoped in God and his promises.
Life in the Desert
The hardest part of being in the desert is that there is no way out. You don’t know when it will end. There is no relief in sight.
God in his wisdom customizes deserts for each of us.
God led Abraham, Joseph, Moses, Israel, David, etc. into, through, and then out of the desert.
Jesus walked through the desert for us looking to the joy set before him.
Feeling like the Father has turned his face against you is the heart of the desert experience.
It’s very tempting to survive the desert by taking the bread of bitterness offered by Satan—to maintain a wry, cynical detachment from life, finding a perverse enjoyment in mocking those who still have hope.
But refusing Satan and trusting God is the path Jesus took, and so should we.
Thriving in the Desert
God takes everyone he loves through a desert.
It is his cure for our wandering hearts, restlessly searching for a new Eden.He humbles us and breaks our will and our self-sufficiency.
He kills off our idols.
He leads us to helplessness that is so crucial to the spirit of prayer.
Suffering burns away the false selves created by cynicism, pride, or lust.
You stop caring about what people think of you.
The desert is God’s best hope for the creation of an authentic self.
Desert life sanctifies you. You don’t realize you are changing, but after a while you are different.
Things that used to be important no longer matter.
In the desert, you learn your real thirsts – what really matters.
The desert becomes a window to the heart of God. He gets our attention in the desert.You cry out to God so long and so often that it cuts a deep channel of communication between you and God.
Without realizing it, you have learned to pray continuously.
The best gift of the desert is God’s presence.
Desert Blossoms
In the desert, God humbles us and makes us more like his Son.
Unexpected outcomes and blessings come out of trials like desert blossoms.
Our lives can take unexpected turns and end up in much better places in the end because of the routes through the desert.
Kept from Harm
When we don’t receive what we pray for or what we desire, it doesn’t mean that God isn’t acting on our behalf.
Rather, he’s weaving his story.
“Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in thanksgiving” (Col. 4:2).
Watchfulness alerts us to the unfolding drama in the present.
It looks for God’s present work as it unfolds into future grace.
Watch for the story God is weaving in your life.
Don’t leave the desert, until God leads you out of it.
“The best is yet to come.”

"A Praying Life" (chapter 20)

A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting WorldBy Paul E. Miller
“A Father’s Love” - Chapter 20
Distance from God
Why do we feel distant from God?Has God withdrawn from us?
Or, have we have drifted from God?
When we feel distant from God: We may ignore him in good times
And blame him in bad times.
Distance from God may result in or be related to our distance from other people.
What has caused us to drift from God?Self-dependence?
Selfish desires?
Pride?
Bitterness or anger?
Unconfessed/unrepented sin?
Cynicism/unbelief?
Apathy?
A Father’s Love
God loves us as his children in spite of who we are.God’s love is covenantal.
God’s love is unconditional.
God’s love is never-ending.
God’s love is infinite.
God’s love is incomprehensible.
God’s love is gracious and giving.
God’s love is sacrificial.
Nothing can separate us from God’s love.
Horizontal and Vertical
Our relationship with our heavenly Father is directly linked with our earthly relationships.
Distance in one will result in distance in the other.
A breakthrough in one leads to a breakthrough in the other.
Drawing near to God in love will help us draw near to others in love.
Tough Love
God often uses hardship and delay to draw us near to him.It decreases dependence on ourselves.
It strengthens and refines our faith.
It shatters our worldly idols.
It moves us to reflection and prayer.
It teaches patience and endurance.
It teaches us to wait on God’s timing.
It teaches us to trust God’s wisdom.
Broken Images of God
An earthly father’s love is intended to be a finite picture of the infinite and perfect love of God for his children.
What if an earthly father failed you?
How can you see God as your father if your father was distant, absent, or harsh?
The good news is our heavenly Father trumps the failures of earthly fathers.
Because we live in a fallen world, God has to use broken images of himself, such as fathers.
In fact, all the images God gives us of himself in Scripture are flawed.
The fact that we know our earthly father is flawed means we know what a good father should do.
Because we are created in the image of the triune God, we have an instinctive knowledge of how a father should love.
If we didn’t know what a good father was, we couldn’t critique our own.
What we feel we are lacking in our earthly relationships is fully present in our relationship with God, who is perfect.
God uses the weak things of the world—including fathers—to weave his stories.

"A Praying Life" (chapter 19)

A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World
By Paul E. Miller
Part 4: Living in Your Father’s Story
“Watching a Story Unfold” - Chapter 19
Our Prayers Shape Us
God wants to do something bigger than simply answer our prayers.
The act of praying draws God into our lives and begins to change us.
Our prayers are not isolated from the larger story that God is weaving in our lives.
The act of praying alerts us and shapes our decisions.
Praying to not love the world, informs our purchase decisions.
Our prayers for others begin to shape our hearts – we begin to see the same things in ourselves.
Perhaps God is not answering our prayers because he wants to expose something in us.
Our prayers don’t exist in a world of their own. We are in dialogue with a personal, divine Spirit who wants to shape us as much as he wants to hear us.
Most of us isolate prayer from the rest of what God is doing in our lives, but God doesn’t work that way.
Parenting and Prayer
Prayer is not discussed enough in the context of Christian parenting.
We believe that if we have the right biblical principles and apply them consistently, our kids will turn out right. But this doesn’t always happen.
Until we become convinced we can’t change our child’s heart on our own, we will not take prayer seriously.
Our goal is not to shape the child in our likeness and conform his/her will to our own. Our goal is to shape the child in Christ’s likeness and bend their will to God’s. This can’t happen without personal repentance and prayer.
In prayer for our own children’s self-willed behavior, we will more readily see our own selfishness.
In coming up against our child’s self-will, we are tempted to be controlling/domineering or to be passive. Both extremes are wrong.
Despair:
I don’t have the power.Out of control.
Good Asking:
God has the power.God in control.
Demanding:
I have the power.In control
Focus:
How the other person can’t change.
 
Focus:
On God, I live in his presence with my disappointment. I begin with my own need to change.
Focus:
How the other person needs to change.
 
Role of Prayer:
None. I’ve given up.
 
Role of Prayer:
Central. I pray to a personal God, so I am simultaneously asking and surrendering.
Role of Prayer:
Another weapon in my battle.
 
Field Hockey and Faith
One word should dominate our prayers for our children and for other people: Faith.
Our desire should be for our child or other person to be living their lives abiding in God, drawing daily energy and meaning from Him and not from circumstances, people, or things.
We shouldn’t pray for all obstacles and struggles to be immediately removed if our ultimate desire is for our children to learn faith.
Are our goals for our children tied to accomplishments or to their growth in faith?
Keeping our prayers anchored to the larger story of what God is doing in our lives and the people around us will make our prayers better and will make our hearts better.

"A Praying Life" (chapters 16-18)

A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World
By Paul E. Miller
What We Don’t Ask For: “Our Daily Bread” - Chapter 16
Most prayer requests are limited to sickness, joblessness, kids in crisis, and the occasional missionary.
Jesus’ prayer for daily bread was an invitation to bring all our needs to him.
Daily bread = “the bread I need for today; what is necessary for my existence today”
We don’t ask because we feel self-confident in providing our needs.
Often our need for daily bread opens doors to deeper heart needs for real food.
Jesus used the miracle of feeding the 5,000 to teach them about the bread from heaven.
What kinds of daily bread do we fail to ask God for?
What kinds of heavenly bread do we miss because we don’t ask for our daily physical bread?
Material Things
We think they are too mundane – too physical, not spiritual, not important
We think they are too selfish.
Perhaps they are, but praying about them:
Invites God into our lives.
Involves God in our decisions.
Opens us up to our spiritual needs.
Causes us to abide – including God in every aspect of our lives.
We think it makes us too vulnerable.
Praying about our physical needs invites God to rule our lives.
We are like the crowd who was fed the fish and bread: we want breakfast but we don’t want the soul food.
Left to ourselves, we want God to be a genie not a person.
The heart is one of God’s biggest mission fields.
Prayer to God about our physical things is not meant to isolate us from the counsel of other Christians.
If you isolate praying from the rule of Jesus by not involving other Christians, you’ll end up doing your own will.
It is possible to use prayer as a cover for “doing your own thing.”
We can mask our desires from even ourselves.
Wisdom: Too Unexpected
When we need advice, we find a wise person, ask him or her a question, and listen to the answer. It seldom occurs to us to do this with God.
It is easy to fall into the enlightenment mindset that the infinite God is not personally involved in our lives.
The Scriptures teach us that God grants wisdom to those who ask.
We often speak of guidance, but wisdom is richer and more personal.
I don’t just need help with my plans (guidance); I need help with the right questions to ask and the direction of my heart (wisdom).
God speaks wisdom to us through his Word and his Spirit.
Seeking wisdom from God is not just seeking his advice; advice leaves me in control to take or leave the advice. Seeking God’s wisdom is bowing before God and abiding in him.
Seeking God’s wisdom is seeking to be in harmony with our Creator.
 
What We Don’t Ask For: “Your Kingdom Come” - Chapter 17
“Your Kingdom Come” has lost much of its significance because we have confused its meaning.
The Kingdom of God is not limited to just religious or spiritual things.
The Kingdom of God is not limited to religious institutions.
The Kingdom of God is much more all-inclusive than any of these limited definitions.
Praying “Your Kingdom Come” type prayers involves at least these kinds of prayers:
Change in Others
Change in Me
Change in Culture
Change in Others
Too Controlling?
We do not pray regularly enough for God to change the hearts and behaviors of those around us.
Is this kind of a prayer seeking for control over another person?
No, it is entirely the opposite. The point of this kind of prayer is to shift control from us to God
Too Hopeless?
We do not pray for God to change others because we have become cynical about the possibility of change.
Often, prayers for others end up changing us too. It causes us to reevaluate our own hearts.
Once we’ve learned that God loves us, we then need to learn to extend his love to others.
Character Change in Me
Too Scary?
We know that if we pray for God to change us, he will. That is why we don’t pray for God to change us.
We are scared of what the process of change might be.
We also don’t want to admit that we need change.
Modern psychology tells us to affirm our feelings and emotions instead of seeking change.
Change in Culture
Too Impossible?
We complain about things in our culture or the direction our culture is heading, but do we pray for specific changes in our culture?
Have we become too cynical about the possibility of change in wider areas of our culture?
 
What We Don’t Ask For: “Your Will Be Done” - Chapter 18
Until we see how strong our own will is, we can’t understand the second petition of the Lord’s prayer— “Your will be done.”
Sin is complicated. We are never a passive observer, dispensing wisdom and justice. We are part of the mess.
This is why Jesus said, “Without me you can do nothing.”
Accepting the place that God has given me (content in all situations), then a door is opened between my soul and God.
The more we are in touch with the depth of our own self-will, the more we will see the need of prayer and abiding in Christ.
The great struggle of my life is not trying to discern God’s will; it is trying to discern and then disown my own.
Our Self-Will
Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7) reveals much about the depth of our self-will.
Jesus’ sermon deals with areas of our selfish desires: money, sex, power, fame, etc.
Jesus closes all the doors to power and glory and selfish desire.
Jesus then opens the door to prayer and tells you how he gets things done.
When our self-will determines how we want others to be and act, we can even allow prayer to be another weapon in our arsenal of control.
Self-will and prayer are both ways of getting things done.
At the center of self-will is me, carving a world in my image, but at the center of prayer is God, carving me in his Son’s image.
When we pray “Your will be done” it can be scary, but in reality we are leaving the shaky foundation of our own self-will and entering the stability of God.
Instead of trying to create our own story, we become content with God writing our story.
Prayer becomes effective when we see our own self-will for what it is. It then opens the door to doing things through God.

"A Praying Life" (chapter 15)

A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World
By Paul E. Miller
 
“What Do We Do with Jesus’ Extravagant Promises About Prayer?” – Chapter 15
 
The gospels are filled with promises from Jesus to his disciples about asking in prayer and receiving:
“If you ask anything in my name, I will do it.” (John 14:13-14)
“If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” (John 15:17).
What do we do with these extravagant promises?
 
Scholars to the Rescue
Some try to limit these promises of Jesus to only ‘ministry’ related requests.
“Ask me to do anything in the area of my work and I will do it.”
Jesus does not specifically limit his statements to witnessing or gospel work.
There is a better solution to understanding these promises.
 
James to the Rescue
James describes two dangers in asking in prayer:
Not Asking
Asking Selfishly
Those who err on the not asking side surrender to God before they are real with him. The result is distance from God. The real you doesn’t encounter the real God.
Those who err on the asking selfishly side, are distant from God in that they are thinking only of themselves and not God’s will or his mission.
Jesus’ prayer in Gethsemane shows us that we can ask what our heart feels while also being submissive to the will of God. We can be real and reverent.
Our prayers need this balance.
 
Back to Jesus
“Ask whatever you wish.” Why didn’t Jesus bring balance to this statement if that is what he meant?
The answer is that we are the ones who are imbalanced.
Instinctively, we are either confident in ourselves or despairing in ourselves.
In both cases we are paralyzed, not moving toward God.
In giving his disciples these promises, he was intending to open them up to the extravagant love of God.
Jesus wants us to tap into the generous heart of his Father. He wants us to lose all confidence in ourselves because “apart from [Jesus] you can do nothing”; he wants us to have complete confidence in him.
All of Jesus’ teaching on prayer in the Gospels can be summarized with one word: ask.
His greatest concern is that our failure or reluctance to ask keeps us distant from God.
But he also tells us to ask because our heavenly Father wants to give good gifts. He loves to give.
From the lesser to the greater: the unjust judge and the friend at midnight.
 
Praying in Jesus’ Name
Deep down, we just don’t believe God is as generous as he keeps saying he is.
That’s why Jesus added: “ask in my name.”
The name of Jesus is not a magic formula for success, but the name of Jesus does give my prayers access to the throne of God. They get through.
My prayers come before the throne of God as the prayers of Jesus.
Asking in Jesus’ name isn’t another thing I have to get right so my prayers are perfect. It is one more gift of God because my prayers are so imperfect.
Jesus’ seal not only guarantees that my prayers get through, but it also transforms my prayers.
The Holy Spirit intercedes for us in conformity to the will of God (Rom 8:26).
 
Answered Prayers
The point of prayer is not to analyze the percentage of prayers answered to unanswered or to analyze how many of the things would have happened anyway according to the law of averages.
If we try to figure out the mystery of prayer, then we lose God.
One thing is true: the closer our prayers are to the heart of God, the more powerfully and quickly they seem to be answered.
“If we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. (1 John 5:14)
When you are on the inside of your prayers, you can clearly see the weaving of God, but it is often difficult to explain to an outsider.
 
Learning to Abide
The praying life is the abiding life.
How do we abide?
One of the best ways to learn how to abide is to start asking. Jesus’ primary concern was to get us into the game. Start asking.
If you are going to take seriously Jesus’ offer to ask anything, then you have to ask.
In order to ask, you have to reflect on what you want to ask.
It takes reflection to answer the question, “What do I want?”
Most people fail to ask. They fail to take Jesus’ words seriously.

"A Praying Life" (chapters 13-14)

A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World
By Paul E. Miller
 
“Why We Can Ask” - Chapter 13
 
In contradiction with the prevailing thought of western culture, prayer is not just private and personal. Prayer is both private and public.
Power in prayer comes from being in touch with one’s weakness.
The persistent widow and the friend at midnight get access, not because they are strong but because they are desperate.
Learned desperation is at the heart of a praying life.
 
An Infinite-Personal God
Western culture conceives of God as infinite, but not personal (Deism).
Non-western cultures conceive of God as personal but not infinite (Polytheism, one of many).
Scripture teaches us that the one true God is both infinite and personal.
An infinite God is personally involved in the details of our lives.
Majesty and humility are an odd fit, and this is why we struggle in prayer. We don’t think God could be concerned with the puny details of our lives.
Truthfully, more often than not we are more comfortable with a God who is distant than intimate.
We are afraid of a God who is too close, especially a God we can’t control.
A praying life opens itself to an infinite, searching God.
We can’t do that without releasing control, without constantly surrendering our will to God.
“Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” can be a scary prayer, because we have no control over the outcome.
A praying life opens itself to an infinite, searching God.
We can’t do that without releasing control, without constantly surrendering our will to God.
“Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” can be a scary prayer, because we have no control over the outcome.
 
“How Personal Is God?” - Chapter 14
 
Complete Dependence
A life that is completely dependent on God and his grace does not think of any matter as being too small to bring to God in prayer.
Making distinctions in our minds about what is or isn’t big enough to bring to God implies that we can handle the small things and God can handle the big things. But aren’t we dependent on God for all things?
 
Disconnected from Real Life
Prayer is not a zero-sum game. Praying that a fire truck isn’t headed to your house doesn’t mean that you are wishing it upon someone else.
We need to submit to our infinite-personal God, but we still have the freedom to voice our desires to God.
Jesus prayed, “take this cup from me” as well as “not my will, but yours be done.”
It is possible for prayer to become “overspiritualized” when it becomes detached from the real world.
There is no neat division between the physical/mundane and the spiritual.
If we separate our mundane needs (doing) from God’s best gift, his loving presence (being), then we have overspiritualized prayer.
The world has been shaped by the Enlightenment to think that the spiritual isn’t important.
But the church has been influenced by Neoplatonism to think that the physical isn’t important.
Jesus was the God-man, spiritual and physical. Jesus had real feelings and desires, and he was completely in tune with God his Father.
Desire and surrender are the perfect balance to praying.
 
A Moment of Incarnation
The wonder of the infinite-personal God is displayed, more than anywhere else, in the Incarnation.
Prayer is a moment of incarnation—God with us—God involved in the details of my life.
Sometimes we don’t pray with specificity and transparency, because we don’t want to risk our prayer not being answered.
Our dislike of asking is rooted in our desire for independence.
What do I lose when I have a praying life? Control, independence
What do I gain? Friendship with God, a quiet heart, the living work of God in the lives of those I love.
Essentially, in a praying life, I lose my kingdom and get his.
 
The Mystery of Prayer
The way prayer works is something of a mystery, but if we try to figure out the mystery it will elude us.
You can’t experience something and observe it at the same time.
Prayer is not something to be observed or measured or tested, it is something to be lived in relationship with God.
The closer something is to the character of God, the more it reflects him and the less it can be measured.
The most precious things in life can’t be proven or observed directly.
As soon as you take a specific answer to prayer and try to figure out what caused it, you lose God.
We simply cannot see the causal connections between our prayers and what happens.
Love is like prayer in that it can’t be measured or fully understood. It doesn’t make sense, analytically, for someone to give sacrificially to another without any hope of return.
Love, like prayer, makes perfect sense when you realize it is a reflection of the divine image.
The inability to see the connection between cause and effect is intrinsic to the nature of prayer because it is the direct activity of God.
Sometimes the answer to our prayer began before we even prayed.
The only way to know how prayer works is to have complete knowledge and control of the past, present, and future.
If you are going to enter this divine dance we call prayer, you have to surrender your desire to be in control, to figure out how prayer works. You have to trust God.
 

"A Praying Life" (chapter 12)

A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World
By Paul E. Miller
 
Part 3: Learning to Ask Your Father
 
“Why Asking Is So Hard” - Chapter 12
 
Secularism
Western culture is the most publicly atheistic culture that has ever existed.
Western culture over the last 2 centuries is an anomaly from the rest of human history.
The 18th century Enlightenment is the birth of today’s secularism.
Division of feelings and fact – prayer and religion are regarded as feelings.
Popular culture has brought the secularism of the university classroom to the masses.
Now prayer and religion are deemed by our culture to be better kept private; there is no place for religion in public or civic life.
 
The Power of the Enlightenment
Before the enlightenment, prayer and science were not viewed as belonging in two separate spheres.
The Christian worldview that God made a separate and orderly world gave birth to science.
Secularism claims to have given us the gift of science, but in reality it was Christianity that gave us science.
Almost all the Ivy League colleges and American universities began as Christian institutions. But the power of enlightenment secularism has driven Christianity from them.
Orthodox Judaism survived the Babylonian Captivity and the Holocaust, but Enlightenment secularism has almost destroyed it.
The Enlightenment mindset marginalizes prayer because it doesn’t permit God to connect with this world.
You are allowed a personal, local deity as long as you keep him out of your science notes and don’t take him seriously.
 
The Modern Roots of Cynicism
The Enlightenment doesn’t say that religion is not real. It defines it as not real. It is not even open for debate.
Prayer is defined as phony, and then it begins to feel phony.
When our young people encounter the secular world’s philosophy it is easy to say that God-talk is phony because it has been relegated to the not-real world by our culture.
It is instinctive in our culture to keep faith and ‘reality’ separate, as if they are incompatible.
Secularism is a cynical view of reality.
Because it can’t adequately account for things like love and faith or measure them, it disregards them and separates them from the realm of ‘fact.’
 
A Child Prays in a Secular World
Childlike faith has no problem joining prayer to the ‘real’ world.
If a stream is the result of accidental natural forces, then it is just water, rocks, and dirt.
If the stream=god, then you worship the stream god.
But if God created the stream, then wonder and curiosity naturally flow into study (science).
The secret to seeing God behind all things is to become like a little child again.
Because it is my Father’s world, we can kneel by a stream and pray while doing a science experiment. It is a complete unity of thinking and feeling, physical and spiritual, public and personal.
 

"A Praying Life" (chapters 10-11)

A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World
By Paul E. Miller
 
“Following Jesus Out of Cynicism” - Chapters 10-11
 
Be Warm but Wary
We cannot be naively optimistic or cynical. We must be trusting and yet discerning.
As Jesus put it, we must be “shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves.”
Avoiding cynicism does not mean abandoning discernment.
But, being aware of evil does not mean that we distance ourselves with an ironic, critical stance.
We are to combine a robust trust in the Good Shepherd with a vigilance about the presence of evil in our own hearts and in the hearts of others.
The feel of a praying life is cautious optimism—caution because of the Fall, optimism because of redemption.
 
Learn to Hope Again
Cynicism kills hope. Prayer feels pointless, as if we are talking to the wind.
Jesus brings hope, not cynicism.
Hope begins with the heart of God. As you grasp what the Father’s heart is like, how he loves to give, then prayer will begin to feel completely natural to you.
“Behold, I make all things new.”
 
Cultivate a Childlike Spirit
Cynicism arises in a heart of self-reliance. Hope grows in a heart of dependent trust.
We must cry out for grace like a hungry child.
When we ask for help, we’ve become dependent like a little child again. This brings us out of cynicism.
“Those who will never be fooled can never be delighted…”
 
Cultivate a Thankful Spirit
Begin each day by thanking God for his grace given the previous day.
Nothing undercuts cynicism more than a spirit of thankfulness.
We realize that our whole life is a gift.
Thanking God restores the natural order of our dependence on God. It enables us to see life as it really is.
Thanksgiving rejoices in God’s care, replacing a bitter spirit with a generous one.
 
Cultivating Repentance
Cynics imagine they are objective observers on a quest for authenticity.
They feel deeply superior because they think they see through everything.
“Seeing through everything” eventually results in seeing nothing.
While claiming to “see through” other’s facades, cynics lack purity of heart.
A significant source of cynicism is the fracture between my heart and my behavior.
I continue to perform and say Christian things, but there is a disconnect between what I present and who I am.
My empty religious performance leads me to think that everyone is phony.
Adding judgment to hypocrisy breeds cynicism.
All sin involves a splitting of the personality—“double-minded.”
We present one thing but in reality are something else.
Repentance brings the split personality together—becoming single-minded. The real self and the public self are the same, no facades.
Cynicism focuses on the other person’s split personality and their need to repent. It lacks the humility of removing the speck from our eye.
A cynical perspective causes us to see ourselves and others through blurry spectacles. We don’t see ourselves or others accurately.
While attempting to unmask evil, cynicism can create evil.
By cultivating a lifestyle of repentance, the pure in heart develop integrity, and their own fractures are healed.
By beginning with their own impurity, they avoid critical cynicism.
 
Developing an Eye for Jesus
Cynicism looks in the wrong direction. It looks for the cracks in Christianity instead of looking for the presence of Jesus.
The cynic looks for the hypocrisy and evil in others.
The childlike, dependent spirit looks for the evidence of Jesus’ work in others.
We need to ask, “Where did I see Jesus today?”
Instead of looking for faults, we look for evidence of Jesus’ grace—we hunt for the difference between what others would normally be like and what they had become through the presence of Jesus.
When we look for the evidence of Jesus in others, we find it in the mundane encounters in life.
Instead of focusing on other people’s lack of integrity, on their split personalities, we need to focus on how Jesus is reshaping the church to be more like himself. We need to view the body of Christ with grace.

"A Praying Life" (chapter 9)

A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting WorldBy Paul E. MillerLearning to Trust Again: Part II: Chapters 9-11“Understanding Cynicism” - Chapter 9Understanding Cynicism
Cynicism is the opposite of a childlike spirit.
Cynicism is the dominant spirit of our age.
Cynicism leads us to doubt the effectiveness or value of prayer.
Weariness is on the edge of turning into cynicism.
If Satan cannot stop you from praying, he will rob you of its fruit.
The Feel of Cynicism
Satan is the author of cynicism; he led Adam/Eve to look at God through a cynical perspective.
Cynicism fosters doubt, skepticism, and causes us to look at everything and everyone with a critical eye.
Cynicism is deceptive in that it parades itself as “truth” – what is “really going on behind the scenes.”
Cynicism robs us of trust, love, passion, and enjoyment in the things of everyday life.
Cynicism dulls and deadens, causing us to feel nothing, to believe in nothing.
To be cynical is to be distant; it leads to a creeping bitterness that can deaden and even destroy the spirit.
A praying life is the opposite of a cynical life.
Prayer engages evil, doesn’t take no for an answer, is persistent before the face of God, hoping, dreaming, and asking.
Cynicism merely critiques everything. It is passive, cocooning itself from the passions of the great cosmic battle we are engaged in.
If you try to add an overlay of prayer to a cynical or even a weary heart, it feels phony.
For the cynic, life is already phony; nothing can be trusted, hoped in, or provide meaning and purpose.
A Journey into Cynicism
Cynicism begins with the wrong kind of faith, a naïve optimism or foolish confidence.
On the surface, naïve optimism and faith can look the same, but the foundations are vastly different.
Genuine faith comes from knowing my heavenly Father loves, enjoys, and cares for me.
Naïve optimism is groundless, blind trust.
Genuine faith fuels bold action and diligent effort.
Our culture gradually shifted from faith in God to faith in humanity.
So, faith became simply faith in faith itself, rather than faith in God.
“Just believe” or “have faith” became the mantra, but without any reference to God – the object of faith.
Optimism rooted in the goodness or capability of people collapses against the dark side of life.
Real life doesn’t lend itself to groundless optimism.
Shattered optimism leads to weariness and then to cynicism.
The movement from naïve optimism to cynicism is the new American journey.
In naïve optimism, we don’t need to pray because everything is under control, everything is possible.
In cynicism, we can’t pray because everything is out of control, little is possible.
Cynicism’s ironic stance is a weak attempt to maintain a lighthearted equilibrium in a world gone mad.
At some point, each of us faces the valley of the shadow of death.
We can’t ignore it. We can’t remain neutral with evil.
We either give up and distance ourselves, or we learn to walk with the Shepherd. There is no middle ground.
Without the Good Shepherd, we are alone in a meaningless story.
The Age of Cynicism
Our personal struggles with cynicism and defeated weariness are reinforced by an increasing tendency toward perfectionism.
Believing you have to have the perfect relationship, the perfect children, the perfect body set you up for a critical spirit.
In the absence of perfection, we resort to spin—trying to make ourselves look good.
We end up with a public life and a private life. We cease to be real.
Media looks for the wrong in everything.
Psychology’s hunt for hidden motives adds a new layer to our ability to judge and be cynical about what others are doing.
Cynicism is the air we breathe; our only hope is to give Jesus our weary and heavy-laden hearts and follow him out of cynicism.

"A Praying Life" (chapters 6-8)

A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting WorldBy Paul E. Miller“Learning to Be Helpless” - Chapter 6Learning to Be Helpless
Children naturally tend to be more dependent and open to their own helplessness.
As we get older we desire independence and we become allergic to helplessness.
When we are confident in ourselves and think we already know the solution, we won’t pray.
Prayer = Helplessness
God wants us to come to him empty-handed, weary, and heavy-laden.
Prayer is bringing our helplessness to Jesus.
Prayer is an expression of who we are…we are a living incompleteness.
We were saved as helpless sinners; why should prayer be any different?
Prayer mirrors the gospel: helplessness leads to grace.
A Wrong View of Maturity
Mature Christians pray more, but it is not because they are better at performing a duty.
Mature Christians have learned how weak and sinful they are, which leads to a larger view of grace.
Weakness is the channel that allows them to access grace.
More maturity=more dependence.
When You Open the Door
Themes of good prayer:       -Helplessness       -Relationship       -Repentance       -Asking       -Story       -Hope
When you open a door to God, you find some amazing treasures inside.
“Crying ‘Abba’ - Continuously” - Chapter 7Seeking GodO God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water (Psalm 63:1)Our hearts are restless and will be restless until we find rest in God.Our nagging personal faults can drive us into a continuous praying life.Poverty of Spirit, Not Discipline
It is poverty of spirit that will lead us into a deeper and more continuous prayer life, not more personal self-discipline.
The Holy Spirit prays with us and for us in our dependence on the Father.
Abba – childlike, dependent
Poverty of spirit makes room for His Spirit.
Paul’s Example & Teaching
“Unceasing prayer” is Paul’s description of how he prayed and how he wanted the church to pray.
Paul frequently used words like:       -Continuously       -Without ceasing       -Night and Day       -Always       -At all times
The Jesus Prayer
Early model of a short prayer:       -“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
A praying life isn’t simply about a morning prayer time; it is about slipping into prayer at odd hours of the day:       -Not because we are disciplined       -Because we are aware of our poverty of spirit.
“Bending Your Heart to your Father” - Chapter 8An Anxious Heart
Anxiety in our hearts can become a springboard to bending our hearts to God in prayer.
Instead of letting our anxiety churn over and over in our hearts, bring it to God.
Our anxiety can become a momentary prayer.
Brief History of Anxiety and Prayer
Continuous prayer was normal in Eden before the Fall.
Broken communication with God because of sin and guilt also brought with it anxiety.
Anxiety is unable to relax in the face of chaos; continuous prayer clings to the Father in the face of chaos.
Dependence frees us from anxiety.
We become anxious when we take a godlike stance, trying to control everything, and occupying ourselves with things too great for us.
We return to sanity by becoming like little children, dependent, and resting in our Father.
Invitations for Prayer
When you pray continuously, moments when you are prone to anxiety can become invitations to drift into prayer.
Anxiety transformed into prayer brings us from worrying to watching—watching what God will do in his unfolding drama.

"A Praying Life" (chapters 4-5)

A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World
By Paul E. Miller
 
“Learn to Talk with Your Father” - Chapter 4
 
Asking Like a Child
Everything and anything
Repeatedly
Transparently
Knowing our Father gives good gifts
 
Believing Like a Child
Confident of our Father’s Love
Asking persistently, confident in his goodness
Confident of our Father’s Power
Everything possible
Without cynicism and unbelief
Greater confidence in our Father’s power and love leads us to greater boldness to ask for the impossible.
 
Learning to Play Again
Not overly concerned about praying with a set structure or pattern.
More like the flow of a conversation with a person.
Instead of letting your wandering mind be a distraction to your time of prayer, integrate your wandering thoughts into your conversation with your loving heavenly Father.
 
Learn to Babble Again
Our Father understands our babbling, because he knows us and loves us.
Don’t be embarrassed by how needy your heart is and how much it needs to cry out for grace. Just start praying.
God has given us his Spirit to help us in prayer, when we don’t know what to say.
 
“Spending Time with Your Father” - Chapter 5
 
Spending Time with Your Father
Even Jesus, the Son of God, needed times of prayer with his Father.
He set aside times of prayer, in silence and solitude.
Even after a busy day, he woke up early to go and pray with his Father.
 
Why Jesus Needed to Pray
Clue # 1: His Identity
He was dependent on his Father.
If you know that you, like Jesus, can’t do life on your own, then prayer makes complete sense.
Jesus defines his identity completely in relationship to his heavenly Father.
Jesus’ prayer life is an expression of his relationship with his Father.
Clue # 2: His One-Person Focus
When Jesus interacts with people, he narrows his focus down to one person.
This one-person focus is how love works.
In prayer, our heavenly Father should be our one-person focus.
Clue # 3: His Limited Humanity
Though he was the Son of God, as man he had normal human limitations.
Jesus didn’t multitask. He focused on one thing and one person at a time.
He couldn’t focus on his Father and on the crowds at the same time.
He found solitary time to pray.
 
No Substitute for Time
Jesus’ example teaches us that prayer is about relationship.
When he prays, he is not performing a duty; he is getting close to his Father.
To grow, any relationship needs private space, time together, and conversation.
You don’t create intimacy; you make room for it.
 
Praying Like Jesus Prayed
Jesus’ pattern of morning prayer follows the ancient pattern of the psalms.
But this is not the only time to pray; Jesus also prayed in the evenings.
Jesus prayed out loud in the pattern of the psalms.
Praying aloud can add a reality and concreteness to our thoughts. We pray to a God who lives and hears.
 
Overcoming Objections
Constant prayer and short prayers throughout the day can’t take the place of dedicated times of prayer.
Busyness is no valid objection.
If you are not praying, then you are quietly confident that time, money, and talent are all you need in life.
A dependent life will prioritize times of prayer.
 
Take Baby Steps
Don’t set impossible goals.
Start slowly with attainable goals.
Don’t multitask.
Get to bed.
Get up.
Get awake.
Get a quiet place.
Get comfortable.
Get going.
Keep going.
 

"A Praying LIfe" (chapter 3)

A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World By Paul E. Miller
 
Learning to Pray Like a Child: Part I: Chapters 3-8
“Become Like a Little Child”: Chapter 3
 
Become Like a Little Child
Jesus often told his disciples to become like little children.
14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.  15 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." (Mk. 10:14-15, NIV)
One aspect of childlike behavior that is important in prayer is children say what is on their minds.
There is usually very little pretense with children. They say what they are thinking, and they often speak before they think.
This kind of genuineness and transparency should be part of our communication with our heavenly Father in prayer.
Too often, we try to be “spiritual” when we just need to be genuine.
 
Come Messy
The problem with coming as we are is that we are messy, and prayer makes it worse.
We don’t know how bad we are until we try to be good. Nothing exposes our selfishness and spiritual powerlessness like prayer.
Little children never get frozen by their selfishness. They come just as they are, totally self-absorbed.
And we as parents welcome them.
Our heavenly Father also welcomes us, imperfections and all.
The gospel teaches us that the welcoming heart of God cheers us when we come to him with our wobbling, unsteady prayers.
The criteria for coming to Jesus is weariness. Come overwhelmed with life. Come with your wandering mind. Come messy.
Don’t try to get the prayer right; just tell God where you are and what’s on your mind—like children.
We know that to become a Christian we shouldn’t try to fix ourselves up in order to be accepted by God.
But when it comes to prayer, sometimes we forget that. We try to fix ourselves up or put on a front.
Private, personal prayer is one of the last bastions of legalism.
In order to pray like a child, you might need to unlearn the non-personal, nonreal praying you’ve been taught or seen modeled.
 
The Real you
If you don’t come to God as you are, then you are artificial like the Pharisees.
Unlike the disciples, who blurted out whatever they thought, the Pharisees were guarded and never told Jesus what they were thinking.
And Jesus called them hypocrites.
The only way to come to God is by taking off any spiritual mask. The real you has to meet the real God.
It might be good to slow down and stop and think before we pray…then we might actually be open before God about what our hearts are troubled by.
Our hearts and desires are probably askew, and that’s okay. You have to begin with what is real. Jesus didn’t come for the righteous. He came for sinners. All of us qualify.
When you bring your real self to Jesus, you give him the opportunity to work on the real you.
God would rather deal with the real thing.
Jesus said he came for sinners, for messed-up people who keep messing up. Come dirty.
The point of the gospel is that we are incapable of beginning with God and his kingdom.
Many Christians pray for God’s kingdom, but all the while their lives are wrapped up in their own.
You can’t add God’s kingdom as an overlay to your own.
 
Touching Our Father’s Heart
The opening of the Lord’s prayer: “Our Father”: you are the center of your heavenly Father’s affection. That is where you find rest for your soul.
If we remove prayer from the welcoming heart of God, then prayer becomes a legalistic chore. We do the duty but miss touching the heart of God.
When we come “weary and heavy-laden” we discover God’s heart.
 
Questions
In what ways does Jesus want us to become like little children?
Describe the differences between coming to God messy and coming put together.
Why is it important to come to God just as you are? Why is this hard for us?
What kind of people did Jesus come for (Mark 2:13–17)? What kind of person must Jesus have been like—that “tax collectors and sinners” enjoyed him?
How does the knowledge that you can come to Jesus weary, distracted, and messy (or cynical like Nathaniel) impact you? How is this like the gospel?
What is the heart of prayer?

"A Praying Life" (chapters 1-2)

A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World
By Paul E. Miller
 
“What Good Does It Do?” Chapter 1
 
What Good Does It Do?
We struggle with many symptoms of a dysfunctional prayer life:
Cynicism – because of unanswered prayers or insincere lip-service to prayer
Guilt – not praying long enough, often enough, well enough, focused enough, worshipful enough, etc.
Hopelessness – we begin to wonder if prayer makes any difference
 
Problems Not Surprising
We should not be surprised that we struggle in prayer with God.
We were designed to pray and communicate with our Creator.
But the Fall disrupted our ability to commune in fellowship with God.
Evil has marred the image of God in us.
We want to talk to God but we can’t or we find it very difficult.
 
The Hardest Place in the World to Pray
The busyness of American culture
Work, productivity, & success
Entertainment & leisure
Discomfort with silence and inactivity
Intellect, competency, & wealth sometimes make prayer seem unnecessary.
 
The Oddness of Praying
Prayer seems one-sided compared to other conversations. How do we talk with a Spirit?
How do we know we aren’t just listening to ourselves when we think we’re hearing God?
What should I pray for?
How do I pray?
Why pray if God already knows what I need? Isn’t that nagging?
 
A Visit to a Prayer Therapist
Imagine a visit to a prayer therapist or counselor to help you with prayer
How would you answer the question to describe your relationship with your heavenly father as a son or daughter of God?
Would it sound more doctrinal and formal or personal and relational?
What is it like to be with your Father, and to talk with Him?
 
“Where we are headed” Chapter 2
 
The Praying Life…Feels Like Dinner with Good Friends
Jesus describes the intimacy he wants with us in Revelation 3:20:
"Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends. (Rev. 3:20, NLT)
Our prayer life should become more and more like a natural conversation between friends or family members.
More focus on God and less on prayer
 
The Praying Life…Is Interconnected with All of Life
Prayer is all about relationship, so we can’t work on prayer as an isolated part of life.
Frustrations with prayer come from working on prayer as a discipline in the abstract.
Prayer is interrelated to our growth in faith, love, kindness, wisdom, etc.
Learning to pray is identical to maturing over a lifetime.
Don’t hunt for a feeling in prayer.
We often desire an experience of prayer or an experience with God.
Once we make an experience our quest, we lose God.
You don’t experience God; you get to know him. You submit to him. You enjoy him. He is, after all, a person.
A praying life isn’t accomplished in a year; it is a journey of a lifetime.
 
The Praying Life…Becomes Aware of the Story
God’s sovereignty, love, wisdom, and patience combine to make a divine story.
If God is sovereign, then he is in control of the details of my life.
If God is loving, then he is going to be shaping the details of my life for my good.
If God is all-wise, then he’s not going to do everything I want because I don’t know what I need.
If God is patient, then he is going to take his time to do all this.
We are actors in God’s divine drama.
You can’t have a good story without tension and conflict, without things going wrong. Unanswered prayers are part of the tension. They draw us deeper into God’s story.
 
The Praying Life…Gives Birth to Hope
If God is sovereign, loving, wise, and patient…and is writing a story with our lives—that gives us hope. Our lives are not static; they are part of God’s ever-moving story.
Many Christians have become functional deists, thinking that prayer doesn’t really work and God is not directly involved in his world. This leads to cynicism.
 
The Praying Life…Becomes Integrated
Many assume that the spiritual person is unruffled by life, unfazed by pressure, and somehow floats above life.
A praying life is not a disconnected one…living the quiet, contemplative life without the busyness of life.
Learning to pray doesn’t offer you a less busy life; it offers you a less busy heart: Outer busyness/Inner quiet
 
The Praying Life…Reveals the Heart
As you get to know your heavenly Father, you’ll get to know your own heart as well.
In the process, your heart will be changed by God.
God is a person. We don’t learn to love a person without it changing us
As you develop your relationship with your heaven Father, you’ll discover cynicism, pride, and self-will.
This process will unmask our hearts.
None of us likes to be exposed. We have an allergic reaction to dependency, but this is the state of the heart most necessary for a praying life.
A needy heart is a praying heart. Dependency is the heartbeat of prayer.
“Abandon all, you will receive heaven.” When you give God your life, he gives you the gift of himself.